Tag Archives: Christian faith

All Souls and the Four Final Things

01 Saturday Nov 2025

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Once, when I was pastor at St. Mary’s Church in Athens, TN, I had a graveside service at a local cemetery. It was a nice, clear day and a beautiful setting with trees and mountains in the backdrop. I finished the church’s rite and then the funeral director began to say some words. One thing this funeral home offered families (at a price) was a little ceremony where a group of homing pigeons was released. The pigeons (representing the already deceased members of the departed’s family) were trained to remain circling until a final pigeon was released (representing the newly deceased). The final pigeon was trained to join the others and all together would fly off into the sky. With the flock of pigeons circling, the funeral director said some words of comfort and then released the final pigeon. We all watched as the pigeon flew into the sky, saw the circling flock and bee-lined it in the opposite direction! Behind me, I heard someone say, “Well, he never did really care much for his family!”

In our Catholic tradition there is the concept of the four final things – death, judgement, heaven and hell. As the story reminds us and as the readings also remind us, we will all die one day. This is a truth and how we face death matters. We can pretend it will never happen (and many choose this route) or we can acknowledge death, not in our own strength but rather by trusting in God. “The souls of the just are in the hand of God,” proclaims the Book of Wisdom. The “hope of immortality” has been given and this is what we hold on to. In the resurrection of Christ there is now a greater horizon beyond the grave – the person of faith sees this greater horizon and lives by this greater horizon even now.

There is and will be judgement. Paul, in his Letter to the Romans, writes, “We know that our old self was crucified with him, so that our sinful body might be done away with, that we might no longer be in slavery to sin.” The invitation is given to newness of life in Christ. Judgement will be made on how much we haveaccepted this invitation and, through Christ, grown beyond sin. In Christ, it is always possible to move beyond sin. Don’t believe the lie. Forgiveness, healing and freedom are always possible in Jesus.

Heaven and the possibility of Hell are real. “For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in him may have eternal life, and I shall raise him on the last day.” I believe that one of the most beautiful liturgies that the Church has is the funeral Mass. In the funeral Mass we commend our loved one into the mercy of God. This is as far as we can go. Final judgement belongs to God alone.

Purgatory is a teaching of the Church. I recently heard someone refer to purgatory as the mudroom needed before we can enter into the full warmth and welcome of heaven. The focus of purgatory is not pain and punishment but purgation, being cleansed of sin, in preparation for full entrance into the Kingdom of God. The thought that we can help those in purgatory by our prayers is a testament to our deep faith in the resurrection of Christ. In the resurrection of Jesus, death has lost its power as the final and ultimate separation. In the power of the resurrection, our prayers can now assist even those who have died and who look toward the mercy of God.

Here is an interesting note – the Church has been given the authority to publicly proclaim that a certain person, known for his or her heroic faith and virtue, is in heaven. This is the canonization process where a saint is proclaimed. The Church has never in a public and teaching way proclaimed that any certain person is in Hell – that final separation from God. The Church has acknowledged that certain people have excommunicated themselves from the Church, removed themselves from the body of believers (ex-communio) by persisting in erroneous beliefs and practice but that is from the Church. Ultimate final judgement belongs to God alone. Sometimes the wisdom of the Church is demonstrated by what she does not or will not say just as much as by what she teaches and proclaims.

The four final things are real and how we live our life today, in awareness of those things, matters.

Kindness matters

13 Saturday Jul 2019

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ElGreco-ChristHealingBlind-ptg-large“You should give up drinking only water and have a little wine for the sake of your digestion and the frequent bouts of illness that you have.” (1 Timothy 5:23)

The First Letter to Timothy addresses a variety of issues within the early Christian community – how elders are to be addressed, the mystery of the Church, the role of the deacon, consideration of widows just to name a few. Yet, in the context of all of this the author stops for a moment and encourages Timothy to take a little wine for his stomach.

It is a moment of kindness. It is an easy temptation to step over this verse and focus on the “weightier” issues addressed in the letter – and those issues are of importance – but all of Scripture has something to say and maybe this short verse is telling us, “Don’t forget to be kind to one another.”

There are continuously new plans and programs being developed, new webinars and conferences to attend on how to “do” church but do we always recognize the importance that simple kindness plays in the life of the Christian and the Christian community?

It is interesting how God can speak in our lives. Just within the past couple of months I have had a number of encounters where people have come up to me and told how something I did or said in the past made an important impact on them. Truth is, these moments (at least on the surface) were not exceptional – I was in town for a conference so I called up a young lady who had been a member of the youth group at my first assignment and asked if she would like to grab dinner and catch up, I listened as someone shared his struggles, I offered a kind word and encouragement to a couple at a time of pain. But these moments of kindness did have an effect even if I did not fully recognize nor realize it at the time.

Kindness matters. It costs nothing to be kind and it betrays nothing to be kind. Sometimes we forget this.

I once saw a church sign that read, “No one will care how much you know until they know how much you care.” If the First Letter to Timothy is about addressing pressing issues with the hope of building up and strengthening the Christian community then I would say that 5:23 can be seen as more than just an interesting side note regarding the curative effects of a little wine on an upset stomach. I would say that 5:23 teaches that basic, human kindness and care is an essential component to the building and living of Christian community.

“See how these Christians love one another,” was one of the earliest observations of a non-Christian when looking at this new religious group who had just come on the scene. This love was not because everyone looked the same, acted the same nor thought the same – just read the Acts of the Apostles and Paul’s epistles to see how the Church debated and argued itself through its first century. This love was also not because the early Church walled itself off from the rest of the world – again, read Acts and Paul’s letters to see this. I think kindness, patience, humility, reliance on the Holy Spirit and some good self-effacing humor had a lot to do with this love. The observation quoted above demonstrates that people saw a living of love and community in the early Christian community that was unique … and it clearly impressed them.

See how these Christians love one another.  Kindness does matter.

Epiphany – You shall be radiant at what you see

06 Saturday Jan 2018

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Flight~ Rose Datoc Dal

“Flight by Rose Datoc Dall

Have you ever noticed that there is a lot of walking and journeying in the Christmas story? We have the calm and silence of the manger scene but before, after and all around that is almost constant movement. The angel Gabriel is sent to announce God’s plan to Mary. Once Mary gives her “yes” we are told that she sets out “in haste” to visit her cousin Elizabeth. Joseph and the very pregnant Mary have to journey to Bethlehem to register for the census and because of Rome’s census the whole world seems to be in movement! Then, once the child arrives, the small family has to flee to Egypt for protection! The shepherds are told to leave their flocks in order to see this newborn child and the three magi arrive from the east searching for the newborn king of the Jews and once they encounter him they are told to return home by a different route. The only one who seems incapable of movement is King Herod sitting on his throne and grasping onto power in suspicion and fear.

Here is a quote by Christoph Friedrich Blumhardt, “Brothers and sisters, break free from whatever ruts you have settled into! Whoever does not want to be set free – well, suit yourself – but don’t say you are living in Christ’s spirit. You can continue in the old ways and be a part of Christianity, but not of God’s kingdom. You can live in Christianity but not in Christ; the gulf between the two is great. You can settle down and feather your nest and think, “Now I’ve got it made,” but you’ll never win eternity. That is something altogether different. The “city” we have now does not interest us; it cannot last. Instead, we seek the future city – the one God sets before our eyes – of which Christ is ruler.”

“Instead, we seek the future city – the one God sets before our eyes – of which Christ is ruler.” In the prophet Isaiah, we hear these words, “Rise up in splendor! Your light has come, the glory of the Lord shines upon you … Nations shall walk by your light, and kings by your shining radiance … (but then the prophet goes on to add) … Then you shall be radiant at what you see, your heart shall throb and overflow …” If there is a glory to the Christian it is not in our own merit nor is it in chasing after what the world holds and values – our radiance and our glory as Christians is found it what we see and what we seek – the future city, our true home, the Kingdom of God which God has set before our eyes.

So, the life of the Christian must then always be a life of movement and journeying by its very nature! The Christian is not allowed the luxury of “settling down” in this world with it’s limits. Herod was quite content to settle down in the limits of this world and he committed atrocities.

“Rise up in splendor!” the prophet proclaims to us. Rise up in the grace of Christ! Rise up in your worth as a child of God! Set your life by that worth and nothing else! Rise up in defending the dignity of all our brothers and sisters against the “Herods” of our time with all their sad thoughts and fearful plans! Live by what God has set before our eyes – the future city where Christ is ruler! Don’t just take the name “Christian” but live in the Kingdom, live in Christ!

Walk! Walk with the angel Gabriel and the shepherds and the magi! Walk with Isaiah and the prophets and the great company of saints! Walk with Joseph and Mary! Walk with our Lord himself! We are meant for the Kingdom of God and only there alone will our hearts find rest.

Rise up in splendor! You shall be radiant at what you see!

Come, let us adore him.

08 Sunday Jan 2017

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adoration-of-the-magiDuring the weeks of Advent we hoped for and awaited the coming of the Messiah.  On Christmas we rejoiced in the birth of our savior.  Now, on Epiphany we travel with the wise men from the East in order to “do him homage”, in order to adore Christ. 

Adoration is the proper attitude of today’s feast.  Just as the wise men reveal that the gospel message is meant to go out to all nations and peoples; it also reveals that all peoples and nations are meant to travel to Bethlehem and adore the Christ-child, and do him homage. 

But what does it mean to “adore” and how do we know that we are doing it properly?  Just as the three gifts offered by the wise men reveal truths about Christ so they also reveal truths about our adoration.

Gold is a proper gift to offer a king.  By offering gold the wise men were acknowledging the infant Jesus as the “newborn king of the Jews”.  Gold symbolizes the kingship of Christ.  Gold is our best that we offer to God in gratitude.  God loves us and God wants us to know and experience the joys and beauty of life.  In moments of joy and beauty, if we can just turn to God and say “thank you” then we are adoring, we are offering gold to God.  We ought to thank God for all the blessings, beauty and joys of life.  Gratitude is the gold we have to offer. 

Frankincense accompanies worship and sacrifice.  It is the stuff of priests.  Christ is the High Priest who offers himself as the sinless lamb for us.  The gift of frankincense given at the birth of Christ is a foreshadowing of his great sacrifice and offering of himself on the cross.  We offer frankincense when we offer prayers and a desire to live in relationship with God.  This is part of the great mystery of our faith.  God wants relationship and friendship with us, God seeks us out.  When we are willing to live in relationship with God, when we make the time to pray and just be with God then we are offering frankincense for ourselves and for our world. 

Myrrh is used to anoint bodies at burial.  Myrrh given at the birth of our Lord points toward the death Christ would suffer for us.  When we are willing to die to self for Christ, when we offer up our pains, sufferings, and even little annoyances of life we are, in essence, bringing myrrh to our Lord.  This also is adoration – to bring God our pains, sorrows, dying to self and the injustices we bear in life. 

Today, we come to adore.  Epiphany teaches us how to adore our Lord and Savior – to bring our joys and gratitudes–this is gold; to bring our prayers and desire to live in relationship with God – this is frankincense and to bring our sorrows, dying to self and the injustices we bear in life – this is myrrh. 

Today, we adore.    

Christmas, 2016

25 Sunday Dec 2016

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birth-of-jesusCaesar demanded a census and the whole world was in motion and turmoil.  People and families around the empire travelling to their own town.  The emperor had spoken and therefore it had to be! 

Joseph and Mary – humble, poor, obedient to authority – travel to Bethlehem, even with Mary near child-birth.  They register for the census but the gospel does not specify one thing; did they register before the birth of Christ or after?  Did their census notation say, “one Jewish couple expecting a child” or “one Jewish couple with newborn male”?  I tend to believe that Joseph and Mary registered with the census before the birth of Jesus because it would be consistent with God’s way of working throughout scripture.

Let the powers of the world flex their muscle and show all their strength.  Peoples need to travel, life needs to be interrupted, Caesar Augustus wants a census!  God laughs.  God comes silently and humbly amidst all the turmoil of the time.  God even uses the great emperor’s project to accomplish His plan.  Who today remembers the census that Caesar ordered?  Yet all time and history celebrates the birth of the son of Mary.  Christ coming after the census is fulfilled demonstrates who is really the Lord of history.

Caesar in the exercise of his power and might through the census was trying to grasp and claim the entire empire.  “These … all these lands and peoples … are mine!” is what Caesar was saying through his census.  Christ being born after the census shows that he does not belong to the power of Caesar nor to any worldly-power yesterday or today.  Jesus will not go down in history as a small notation in a Roman emperor’s census, rather he will be revealed as the very one who ushers in God’s Kingdom to which all the kingdoms and powers of the world must submit. 

The Word of God enters the world unexpectedly.  Information is power.  A census – a measurement of peoples – gives information and therefore it gives the emperor great power and control.  Yet right beyond the boundary of Caesar’s knowledge occurs the greatest event in all of human history and Caesar misses it.  Caesar has no knowledge of it.  The first ones who do come to know of it?  Not Caesar but rather the lowly shepherds – the poor and the insignificant ones in the eyes of the world.  It is to them that the angel appears and tells of this new thing that God has done!  “Do not be afraid; for behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all people … a savior has been born for you who is Christ and Lord.”  (Lk. 2:10-11)  It is not abstract and isolated ideologies and theologies cut off from everyday reality that grasp the ever-new work of God, rather it is simple people of faith – the poor and the humble.

The lessons of Christmas are so profound and so necessary.  Despite the turmoil of any age and the raw exercising of power, God is at work accomplishing his plan.  This babe born in Bethlehem is the one to whom all knees must bend and all hearts must bow and when we can do that, then peace and joy will be found!  In Christ, knowledge comes humbly – knowledge for the pains of our world and the pains of our hearts.  Abstract and isolated ideologies quickly become cold, hard and dictatorial.  This is not God’s way.  God reveals himself to the poor and the humble and God chooses to abide with them. 

Lord Jesus, we welcome you.  Heal our world.  Soften our hearts.  Help us to know the newness of your peace.  You are Wonder-Counselor, God-Hero, Father-Forever and Prince of Peace.  Lord Jesus, you choose to be born in your time and in your way.  May we be humble and poor enough to recognize you when you come to us.

Thank you Jesus for loving us.           

St. Joseph and Corporal Desmond Doss

18 Sunday Dec 2016

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doss-300x236The movie “Hacksaw Ridge” is a powerful and true story about a man holding firm to his convictions in the face of strong opposition.  Desmond Doss was a conscientious objector in World War II.  Guided by his Christian faith and a personal vow he made to God, Doss would not pick up a gun but he wanted to help his country in the war effort as a medic.  The first half of the film is about the opposition he faced in the army itself.  He was viewed as a coward and his superiors and even fellow soldiers tried to force him out.  The second half of the film is about how Doss proved his courage in the face of battle.  When his unit was forced to retreat due to an overwhelming onslaught of Japanese soldiers, Doss remained and under the cover of night and early morning rescued seventy-five wounded soldiers.  His prayer throughout that heroic effort, each time he went back onto the combat field was, “Dear God, let me get just one more man.”  Corporal Desmond Doss was the first and only conscientious objector to be awarded the Medal of Honor for his heroic bravery above and beyond the call of duty.

I recently read in a commentary that in Christ, “God works his plan not in the extra-ordinariness of miracles or in the mystery of esoteric magic, but in the ordinariness of mercy and in the mystery of compassion.”  In today’s gospel (Mt. 1:18-24) we are told how the birth of Jesus Christ comes about.  Mary is found with child.  Joseph, a righteous and merciful man, decides to divorce her quietly.  But, in a dream, an angel comes to Joseph and tells him to have no fear; that the child is conceived through the Holy Spirit and the child will reveal that God is with us.  Joseph took Mary into his home.

It is important to remember that both the annunciation and Joseph’s dream were private.  Only Mary saw the angel Gabriel.  Only Joseph had the dream.  We know the rest of the story but then, at that moment and in those confusing days, it was not known.  There must have been gossip.  The scandal of a pregnancy outside of marriage and the foolishness of Joseph taking Mary into his home when a truly righteous man and observant Jew would have done no such thing!  The stigma probably did not end with the birth of the child either.  It probably always hung around the Holy Family, it probably followed Joseph to his death bed and it was probably whispered about Christ his whole life.

In the gospels Joseph speaks no words but his actions and willingness to live by his convictions whether understood by other people or not say volumes about the foster-father of our Lord.  Both Mary and Joseph, in their own way, said “yes” to God and they entered into that mystery of mercy and compassion where God’s will is known and made manifest.  Yes, there were some signs that we will hear of in the next few weeks – a shining star, a vision of angels, wise men from the East – but for the vast majority of the world all was ordinary but in that “ordinary” the most extra-ordinary was occurring.  God was coming to be with us.

There is a scene in “Hacksaw Ridge” when the troop is retreating and Corporal Doss is at the top of the ridge.  He cries out, “God I cannot hear you!  What do you want me to do?”  There is a silence for a moment as the medic sits in the violent ordinariness of war and then he says for the first time of seventy-five times, “Dear God, let me get just one man.”  Corporal Doss then runs back into the battlefield.  It was not esoteric or other-worldly it was just the mystery of mercy and compassion being lived in the moment. 

We should neither disdain the ordinary nor the choice to live our convictions of faith in the ordinary.  Mary, Joseph and a host of witnesses like Corporal Doss show how God is found and his will is made known in the ordinary – whether understood by other people at the time or not. 

St. Joseph, foster-father of our Lord, pray for us. 

St. Joseph, help us to learn your humility, your conviction and your wisdom.             

Knowing who we are and knowing who God is.

22 Saturday Oct 2016

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pharisee-tax-collector-blogThere are two things that the Pharisee in today’s gospel (Lk. 18:9-14) did not know – two things that kept him from entering into true relationship with God.  This man, who prided himself on his religious observance and his fulfillment of his commitments in life, neither knew himself nor did he really know God.  The tax collector, on the other hand,  knew both and he went home justified.

There are two little short stories to share that can draw this out.  The first story is about an elderly, retired priest who was absolutely venerated in his small town for his kindness and holiness.  The priest was a member of the local Rotary club and he never missed a meeting.  Well, one day he did not show for the monthly meeting and he even seemed to disappear for a while.  No one knew where he was.  The next month there he was at the meeting again.  “Father, where have you been?” people asked.  “Well,” the priest responded in an embarrassed way, “I just finished serving a thirty day prison sentence.”  “What?  You wouldn’t hurt a fly!  What happened?”  “The story is complicated but to sum it up; I had bought a train ticket into the city.  I was standing on the platform when this stunningly beautiful woman appeared on the arm of a cop.  The woman looked at me and then turned to the cop and said, “He did it!  I’m certain he is the one who did it!”  Well, to tell the truth, I was so mesmerized and flattered, I pleaded guilty.”

There is a touch of vanity in the holiest men and women and they see no reason to deny it.  When we are honest we must admit that we are indeed a bundle of paradoxes: we believe and we doubt, we hope and are discouraged, we love and we hate, we are honest and we play games.  Honesty requires that we admit the dark as well as the light within ourselves (and the saints teach us how to laugh about what we find).  The Pharisee lacked this depth of honesty.  The tax collector, on the other hand, truly knew who he was – a man who had nothing to fall back on other than God’s mercy.

The second story witnesses to God and our ability to trust.  A two-story home catches on fire.  The father, mother and several children are rushing out when the smallest child becomes separated, gets frightened and rushes back upstairs.  The small child appears in a smoke-filled window crying.  The father shouts, “Jump son!  Jump!  I will catch you!”  The boy responds, “But I cannot see you!”  To which the father answers, “I know.  I know, but I can see you!”  The Pharisee, so focused on his own righteousness could not bring himself to jump.  He returns home not justified.  The tax collector, with head bowed, beating his breast, knowing himself a sinner and trusting in the goodness of God was able to jump into the mercy of God.  The tax collector returns home justified.

Thomas Merton once remarked that a saint is not someone who is good but someone who experiences the goodness of God.  Someone who knows who he or she is and who also knows who God is.

The Priest as Friend

02 Saturday Apr 2016

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friendship in christThere are many images of ordained priesthood that operate in our Church today – the priest as sacramental minister, the priest as co-worker with the bishop, the priest as pastor, the priest as leader of the worshipping community. These are some of the more “official” images of priesthood but there are others, I have come to realize, that can often operate in the hearts and minds of both priests and laity alike.  The priest as administrator and builder operating the parish with efficient ease!  The priest as superhero stomping out evil with his superpowers.  (I have seen many a vocation poster/image along this line and I have to admit I find it rather silly to say the least.)  The priest as shaman battling dark forces behind the scenes by the use of ancient languages and rituals.  The priest as philosopher or wisdom figure enlightening the masses with his erudite thought.  Are there times when a priest does have to head a building project and administrate a parish?  Yes, certainly.  There are also times when a priest has to wade through the darkness of sin and evil in life and I hope that at least every now and then the priest does offer something worthwhile for people to consider.  All this is to say that there are many images surrounding the priest – some official and some not-so-official yet held in different hearts.

One image that I would like to explore is priest as friend but a friendship that has a specific root and foundation which is from and in Christ. I do not presume that others cannot also share in this friendship, in fact I think it is a commonality among all disciples, but for my purposes here I want to relate this vocation of friendship specifically to the ordained priesthood.

In the fifteenth chapter of John we find our Lord uttering these rather amazing words, “This is my commandment: love one another, as I have loved you. No one has greater love than to lay down his life for his friends.  You are my friends, if you do what I command you.  I shall no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know the master’s business; I call you friends, because I have made known to you everything I have learnt from my Father.  You did not choose me, no, I chose you; and I commissioned you to go out and bear fruit, fruit that will last; so that the Father will give you anything you ask him in my name.  My command to you is to love one another.”  (Jn. 15:12-17)

I once read where a renowned theologian, much more knowledgeable than I, wrote that we need to, in essence, avoid the danger of presuming friendship with Christ. Friendship implies peer to peer and we must remember that Christ is “God made flesh” and we are creature.  I certainly agree with this and recognize the important point being made … but Jesus did say, “I call you friends…” I do not think this should be dismissed so readily.

It is a mercy to say the least that God, in Christ, now calls us friends but it is, in fact, a mercy given. You did not choose me, no, I chose you… It is interesting to note that it is within the gospel with the highest Christology that this assertion from our Lord is found.  It is a mystery of a friendship given that is truly intimate yet also does not deny the transcendence of our Lord.  It is also a unique mark of Christianity in relation to all other world religions that God so greatly desires to bestow upon his followers the grace of friendship.

Christ calls us friends because he has made known to us all that he has learned from the Father and that we are to do as he has commanded. We must put what we have learned into action to fully know and live this reality of friendship.  This comes after the washing of the feet where Christ teaches that we must do as he has done, which is to pour oneself out in love and service for others – especially the poor and forgotten.  This, I believe, is where the door to seeing priest as friend of Christ and friend of humanity has its foundation and root.

The priest is called to serve but to serve in a unique way. Many people, many good people who do not even have to have a faith, serve continuously throughout life.  Think of parents serving their children, police or EMTs serving the public, firefighters daily putting their lives at risk, people generously donating their time and effort for some cause.  These are all worthwhile forms of service which might or might not be attached to some form of belief but the priest serves explicitly for the Kingdom of God. I commissioned you to go out and bear fruit, fruit that will last… 

The service of the priest is connected to the Kingdom of God and therefore the friendship with Christ which the priest has been given is known and enlivened through this service to the Kingdom. I recently shared a confession with my parish.  My confession was that I do not always want to serve.  I do not always want to make the nursing home visit, I do not always want to sit in the confessional (especially on a beautiful spring day), I do not always want to make an administrative decision at yet another meeting, I do not always want to serve the poor but when I do, I meet Christ and his friendship enlivens and blesses me and my priesthood.

Yes, the priest can be seen through the lens of all the images shared at the beginning of this reflection but another worthwhile and truly important image is the priest as friend – friend of Christ and friend of humanity. I also believe that this image of priesthood truly explored and lived can also help provide a healing balm needed in our world today.  A balm that Christ can use to help heal the wound of isolation.

We find ourselves in a time where people are truly isolated one from another and this is causing intense pain, suffering and even death. The elderly are forgotten, the poor are ignored, the “other” is demonized and our hearts are continually being more and more hardened and turned inward.  We must not shrink before this gaping wound of our world’s isolation but rather hold even faster to the words our Lord speaks in John 15.  Christ calls us friends!  Christ calls us to love one another!  Christ calls us to bear fruit that will last!  In Christ, the priest must live friendship with all humanity and he does this precisely because Christ calls him friend.

Christ calls us friends! We need to believe this and truly let the awareness of this grace given sink into our lives and our hearts.  We have a friend in Jesus.  It is much more than just a cliché.  It is a reality and a mercy shared.

I call you friends… It is a mercy given from our Lord for all his disciples but also in this Jubilee Year of Mercy it a worthwhile grace for the priest to reflect upon and truly explore. The priest as friend.